


Slipping From Reach

by wafflesandkruge



Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, So much angst, post-kos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 07:35:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18311102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflesandkruge/pseuds/wafflesandkruge
Summary: After Zoya gains her new amplifiers, she becomes less human day by day. Both she and Nikolai have to deal with the consequences, and what it means for their relationship.





	Slipping From Reach

**Author's Note:**

> Some kind anon on tumblr asked me about how i thought Zoya's new powers would affect her relationship with Nikolai, then someone asked me to write a fic and here we are. Enjoy!

“Where is she?!” Nikolai roared. Genya flinched and for a moment, Nikolai regretted his tone, but Zoya was missing, his best general, his wisest advisor, his life’s love-

“Right outside the south gate of the city. They didn’t get far, Nikolai. But-”

“I’m going. Cancel my engagements for the day, make sure her room is ready.”

“Nikolai-”

“Have my horse ready in five-”

“Nikolai Lantsov!” 

He felt his heart stop for a moment and he was reminded that Genya, while untrained, was perfectly capable of the same things as a Heartrender. Her face was both furious and devastated. 

“She’s not-” Her voice trailed off, then she sighed and wrung her hands. “Be careful, Nikolai.”

Her advice plagued Nikolai as he rode hard through the city. Careful? With Zoya? He’d seen her kill saints, but she’d never hurt him other than the occasional verbal flaying that he admitted he needed every once in a while. Zoya was…familiar, comfortable. She kept him grounded when everything around him seemed to go to hell. If they had somehow hurt her…his hands tightened on the reins. He would find whoever was responsible, whether it was the Starless cult or the Shu themselves. As for what would happen after, he hadn’t yet decided.

Nikolai and his palace guards approached the south gate and instantly Nikolai knew things were very, very, wrong. Curious citizens blocked their path, but his guards waded in with their horses and ushered them aside. Scorch marks littered the grass and the metal of the gate was warped. It looked like the work of an Inferni, but Nikolai knew better. 

He motioned for his personal guards to hang back as he dismounted and walked through the gate. Outside the city walls, signs of destruction were more evident- fallen trees, cracks in the ground. Nikolai’s foot crunched as he stepped and he looked down. He’d stepped in a patch of frost, despite it being the middle of summer. 

A young guard ran up to him, a look of terror and panic on his face. “Y-Your majesty! It’s not safe to be here-”

“Where is she.” Something in his tone made the man back away a few steps. 

“Over there, your majesty,” he said as he pointed at the edge of the forest. “But-”

Nikolai went in the direction the guard had pointed and he trailed behind helplessly. They walked for a few minutes before they encountered more guards, all with their rifles drawn and glancing nervously towards a shadowy figure further in the woods. Zoya.

“Leave us,” Nikolai commanded. “Disperse the crowd at the gate. Make sure everyone keeps their mouth shut, upon pain of death, do you understand?”

There were mumbled “yes your majesty”’s, them Nikolai was finally alone with Zoya. A good twenty or thirty feet still separated them, and Zoya was standing with her back to Nikolai. She didn’t seem to know he was there.

“Zoya?”

No response. He took a few steps forward and let his eyes adjust to the dimmer lighting of the forest. At first, he wondered why she was wearing a purple kefta- it was odd seeing her in something other than blue- but then with a growing sense of horror, he realized it was stained with blood. Genya’s warning flew out of his head as he crashed through the brush, trying to get to her side.

“Are you hurt? Zoya!”He grabbed her by her shoulders and forcibly turned her towards him. Then some primal part of his brain forced him to release her and stumblr back before he was able to understand what he was looking at.

She didn’t look quite human. Her eyes were bright silver and had slitted pupils. Blood was smeared on her face, chest, every inch of her kefta was soaked in it. But her expression was what scared him the most- it wasn’t her playful smirk, or the grim determination she displayed at council meetings, or even the ferocity she channeled before a battle. No, it was filled with fear and wide-eyed horror, like a new soldier on a battlefield. And Zoya was hardly that.

“I killed them. I killed them all,” she rasped. Her eyes weren’t focused on Nikolai. Instead, they were darting about wildly as if anticipating more threats.

He approached her as he would a scared animal, with his hands raised in surrender and slow, measured steps.

“Zoya, it’s me Nikolai.”

“Nikolai,” she repeated. Nikolai fought the urge to run as those silver eyes fixed on him. A tear ran down her cheek. “Nikolai. I’ve done something terrible.”

“Whatever it is, we can fix it together. Alright?” He reached for her hands. She snatched them away, wild-eyed.

“Don’t- Don’t touch me. I don’t know if- I just gestured and- I killed them all. I shouldn’t be able to do that. I’m not human anymore, I can’t-”

Nikolai wrapped his arms around her, not caring if his own clothes became stained with blood. She sobbed against his chest, body heaving with each cry. He stroked her hair and whispered into her ear. 

“You’re still you. I love you, Zoya Nazyalensky, and that’s never going to change.”

“I’m not. I don’t know what I can do, I have no control. I’m losing myself.”

“I won’t let you leave. Do you understand? I’m keeping you, General Zoya Nazyalensky, the storm witch, right here next to me where you belong.” Nikolai looked right into her silver eyes as he made his declaration. 

She nodded hesitatingly. It hurt Nikolai to see Zoya, once so confident and powerful to be edged out by another force beyond their control. 

He swept his cloak around her shoulders and led her out to where guards were waiting. “We’re going back to the palace. Immediately.”

The whole ride back to the palace, Nikolai kept sneaking glances back at Zoya who seemed lost in thought. She already seemed so far from his reach, and no matter what dramatic declarations he made, he couldn’t make her stay with him. The soft murmurs and bows of the townspeople only served to confirm his bleak realization. 

“Storm-born saint.”

“Morozova reborn.”

“Sankta Zoya.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me @wafflesnadkruge on tumblr for more writing ;)


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